i hate my English!

Lately...no!..now days i start noticing my English become more worst! how worst is that? i also don't know how to say but you can feel it right a way. most important part is i failed to make people understand what am i saying...meaning, every time i tried to explain something, especially in class the meaning just not there...it's like you 'pusing-pusing' at the same spot and at the end they didn't make sense of what i am saying...how's bad is that? i think it's really bad!!!!....i know the answer but when i speak up, the words just tremble and fly away out of now where...and sometimes i even lost the words! serious! no joking! is that a sign of short term memory or what? sigh....or is it my oral anxiety risen these days? but due to what?..that's why i hate my English! i think i can't convey the message well when i speak and when writing i keep repeating the same words. this is also leads to the second problem, lack of vocabulary! the words is not there when i need them....sometimes people just used a word to explain everything instead me, using these long sentences just to make sense in something! I hate it...really hate it!!! i really jealous with some of my blogger friends who can express themselves very much with this colonial language in their entries!

Any space to improve?

Yes! please teleport me to the native speaker country of English! I'm begging you! let me dried up there try to speak perfect English rather then dried up here hoping when will i get the competency! demand isn't it? huh!

i hate my english...but i love the language..!

p/s: cam mane le nak ajar orang lain kalu sdri pun 'kok kak...bertatih lagi bercakap!'
p/s: adoring Henry Golding slang from 8tv Quickeee.!! =)